Apology
by Little Patch of Heaven
Summary: It was all Beast Boy's fault. For giving her the traitor's diary to read, for giving her that speech of his about forgiveness, for looking at her with those stupid expression filled eyes. It was for him only that she was apologizing to an empty cave.


_Author's Note_: Even though I'm a fanatic BBRae fan, and would never accept them with anyone else (especially not BBTerra) I don't hate Terra. Shocking I know. I don't think she was ever evil (cartoon version, of coure, not comic version) just confused, scared, and with plenty of trust issues. I think if Raven had been in her position ( or the others, seeing as most of them were at one point scared and not very trusting) she would have listened to Slade's lies and betrayed the Titans.

Raven's footsteps echoed throughout the cave. Empty cave, she might add. The statue she had expected to see was no where to be found.

Sighing, the empath came to a stop and lowered herself to the ground in a lotus position. For a moment, she simply sat, silent and contemplative as she stared at the rocky ground.

When she finally spoke the words were slow and hesitant, as if she were unsure of what to say. Or perhaps she knew what to say, what she needed to say, but was unsure if it would matter if she even did, the cave being empty as it was.

"You're not here. Though I don't suppose I should have ever expected you to be, seeing as Beast Boy mentioned he saw you. Or perhaps it wasn't you, because I'm not sure how you would have been revived or how you would be living a perfectly normal life. But if it wasn't you, it doesn't explain why you're not here."

Raven growled irritably, rubbing at her forehead. She was going around in circles and she knew it. The faster she got to the point, the faster she could leave.

"I don't really know why I'm here if you aren't. It's not as if speaking to an empty cave is going to change anything. But Beast Boy -" her voice faltered and she took a deep, calming breath before continuing. "It's his fault I'm here, likely going insane by speaking to myself and expecting you to hear. If it weren't for that stupid diary or your's he gave me, or that stupid heartfelt speech he said, or those damn emotion filled eyes, I wouldn't be here speaking to the ground. I wouldn't be thinking of you at all."

"But here I am, and I might as well say what I need to. Maybe not for you to hear, but to bring myself to say it, and to please him, seeing as he's the one who really wants - no, really needs me to do this. And perhaps once I do this we can finally forget you and this whole mishap altogether and continue on with our seminormal lives."

"I read your diary. The one Beast Boy found in your old room. You must have written in it up until you left us, and I must say, aside from being no where near as well written as the novels I usually read, or as entertaining, it did, perhaps, cause me to view you differently. I'm not sure why you would leave such personal writings in a place where we could all read them. I know I would certainly never leave something like that in a place where Beast Boy of all people had a chance of stumbling upon it."

"But you did, and I read it. It was nothing short of what should have been expected. It seems tragic pasts and troubled childhoods are a necessary background for all super powered youth, and I shouldn't have assumed you were different. But I believe I liked to think that you had no reasons for doing what you did. If I could believe you were very simply an evil person, perhaps I could forgive myself for my own mistakes and wrongdoings, because at least I wasn't as "evil" as you."

"But that wasn't the case, I suppose. You had reasons, and though no reason excuses what you did of course, it does explain why you reacted in that way. You were so scared and alone. Afraid to believe that anyone would ever truly accept you, afraid that if you didn't watch carefully we would all just turn away from you. You were never able to trust us because everything in life previously had taught you to never trust. I suppose, if I'm honest with myself, we're not so different."

"Perhaps I would have reacted in much the same way if I were in your situation. After all, Slade is so very good at persuasion, and he knows how to feed off one's insecurities and fears. But the fact remains that I didn't do what you did. You see, Slade didn't have a chance to make me doubt my friends. I spent a year with the Titans before you came. It was in that time that I learned how to trust them, came to realize that they would never abandon me. No one was able to twist my mind and fears enough to cause me to turn against them."

"But you spent a week with us. Too little time to learn to trust and be able to heal your heart. You didn't realize that we wouldn't turn on you when we learned how little control you had, and Slade used that against you."

"He tricked you. All this time we've…..I've hated you. Thought you a monster for your betrayal. When really, my hatred and angry should have been directed at him. He was the one who used you to get to us, turned you into something you should have never been."

"I should have forgiven you when you sacrificed yourself, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so hurt, you see. Did you ever realize how much your betrayal hurt us...hurt me even? I know I acted heartless and you never stayed long enough to see me as anything else. I have trust issues, just like you. It hurt to have someone I trusted betray me the way you did. I didn't want to forgive you after that. I wanted to hate you."

"I couldnt' bring myself to forgive you, even after your sacrifice. But it's been a year, and the five of us have had time to heal."

Raven stood slowly; reaching into her cloak she removed the pale blue diary Beast Boy had found earlier that day.

"You were just a scared, little girl who wanted someone to accept her. I forgive you, Terra. And I'm sorry that I could not have helped stop this. I said earlier that I don't know how you could be living the life Beast Boy claims you are, but that doesn't mean I don't hope you are. After all you've been through, I hope that you can be accepted and loved."

Raven placed the diary on the rocky ground and turned to leave. As she exited the cave she whispered one more thing to the empty cave."And I hope that some day, I can tell you this in person."


End file.
